Geography

History

Nashville was originally founded for it’s geographic location to 2 rivers – the Cumberland River and the Stone’s River. This proved useful for the Maxwell House corporation to be able to easily distribute their below-average coffee to the rest of the world. At some point Nashville became a diseased cesspool of diabetics which had the wonderful side-effect of making Nashville one of the health care centers of the world. And by “health care centers”, we really mean a few giant companies that own way too may hospitals and are greatly increasing the cost of health care nationwide. So if you want to blame someone for Obamacare, blame Nashville.

Climate

There are 2 climates in Nashville:

1. Summer, where it is really hot and very humid. Stay indoors.

2. Winter, where it is really cold and icy. Stay indoors.

Demographics

According to Wikipedia, “Nashville has the United States’ largest population of Kurdish people, estimated to be around 11,000”. So expect to see some of that though the Kurds are smart people and stay away from Lower Broadway. So maybe you won’t see many after all.

Sports

NameDescriptionWhy?
Tennessee TitansNFL, babySadly, the Titans are starting to get good. This means the cost of a scalped ticket has gone up.
Nashville PredatorsNHL, babyHockey is so much better live, even if it is a plucky team that seems to sell out far too much for their general lack of success - barring the crazy run to the Stanley Cup finals in 2017. Which they lost.

Craigslist is your friend.
Nashville SCSoccerWho knows what the state of soccer is in Nashville right now. Nashville FC begat Nashville SC and now they want an MLS team. There is a U23 team running around for now.
Nashville SoundsMinor League BaseballGlorious New Stadium for People Revolution recently opened, complete with shopping and condos and urban renewal and taxpayer waste. Even with all of this state-of-the-art urban renewal, baseball will still be boring. Fortunately they put a bar out by right field so you can get wasted with a bunch of 20-somethings.
College SportsVanderbilt Football and Basketball, Belmont and Lipscomb basketball. Other sports no one cares about.Vandy competes in the SEC so you can see real teams play them. In other words, go to watch the visiting team. Belmont and Lipscomb are historically good at basketball. If you want to see teams you've never heard of and players you don't know, then by all means go.
Nashville Roller GirlsRoller DerbyRoller Derby kicks ass, that's why. You can also feel good about supporting women's sports for once in your life.

Shopping

NameCategoryDescriptionWhy?Portals
Grimey'sMusicA record shop and book storeDigging for records is fun plus you might discover new music. But in actuality you are looking for some band you've never heard of so you can buy that vinyl and impress the bored workers there with how hip and cool you really aren't.0
McKaysBooksA used bookstoreIt's the size of an airplane hangar. It's freaking massive. In other words it's a mausoleum for books and CD's and DVD's and records that should really just get buried in a landfill and not resold.1
Frugal MacDougalAlcoholLiquor StoreA big, grocery store-sized liquor store. Stock up on booze to drink in your hotel room to save money on the drinks at bars, you cheap bastard.1
Third Man RecordsMusicJack White's Record LabelYou like vinyl, I mean, like, you REALLY like vinyl. Vinyl vinyl vinyl vinyl vinyl vinyl. Conveniently located between 2 nearby breweries so you can grab a beer and discuss, you know, vinyl.1
Parnassus BooksBooksAn old school book store, even though it's only been open like 7 yearsYou like books, I mean, like, you REALLY like books. Books books books books books books. Probably located between 2 nearby bakeries so you can grab a roll and discuss, you know, books. It is supposedly one of the coolest book stores in the whole world .0
Hatch Show PrintPostersThey make concert poster's the same way they did in like 1912 or whateverWant a crazy old school concert poster of Johnny Cash to add that certain look to your den or man cave or office cubicle? Then go right here and get old school concert posters for shows you never went to.1
Goo Goo ClusterCandyThey invented the candy barIf you want to taste ground zero of the diabetes epidemic in America, then go visit the downtown Goo Goo outpost. The shakes are legit.2
Fond ObjectMusicYou need more quality vinylProbably the best used record store in town. All of the records and sleeves are in great shape. If you are looking for a ratty copy of some Kansas album, then stay away. If you are looking for something rarer, like a Legedary Pink Dots single in pristine shape, then go here.2
Marathon VillageMallYou like small, locally owned, craft storesThis is a giant old building for a car manufacturer that quite making cars in 1914. Instead of leveling this place right then, it was a blight on the city landscape until someone decided to renovate it. It now houses not 1 but 2 Whiskey distilleries, the store from that American Pickers TV show, and a bunch of little stores I’ll never go into.6
Nashville Farmer's MarketMarketIt's open every day, not just weekends and has some restaurants inside.Feel good by buying groceries directly from the farmer except for all of the other food that the farmer didn't actually grow and just resells like Kroger. Also at least 1 restaurant there was featured on "Diners, Drive-In's, and Guy Fieri's big head". There are a bunch of little restaurants there too, most of which seem worth trying. There is also a beer bar.3

What to do in Nashville

Skip all of the major guides to Nashville. It’s always the same stuff. Those are the things that tell you Tootsie’s is the best Honky Tonk in Nashville. They are completely wrong.

This guide is our view of what to see and do in Nashville. It is not a complete list. It is obviously biased. It is not thorough. We can’t even be bothered to sort the lists – We’ll leave that to you!.

This, my friends, is the Real Ultimate Visitors Vacation Travel Guide to the Best of Nashville’s Must See and Do Attractions in Music City for Tourists, Travelers, Explorers, and Ne’er-do-wells of the Athens of the South.


For questions, e-mail us at flinchbot@flinchbot.rocks.